Something I'm the BEST At

I am the BEST procrastinator in the world.  

I will put anything off, at anytime, just so I don't have to do it right now.  I never understood why I had this huge flaw, but now I think I know.

I heard someone the other day say that some people are DREAMERS and some people are LIVERS....not like the organ but...well, you get it.

Dreamers are people who have all these hopes, dreams, big aspirations, and plans, but they never seem to actually get anything done towards those dreams.  They know their goals, but they can't seem to grasp how to get to them.  When that happens they just....dream.  They dream instead of doing!!!  

Livers are ones who can say, "This is my life. That is where I want to go. This is how I get there," and then they do it!  Livers are people who get things done, they see that you only get places in live through your own hard work and perseverance.  

I am a dreamer.  I want to be a doer.  I'm not even sure if a person can change that about themselves, but I'm going to try.  Starting today I am going to do.  

I heard a quote by an anonymous author yesterday that says,

LIVE by the SUN, 

Love by the MOON.

It means that you should be living your life while the sun is up.  Be like the elderly who get up at the crack of dawn and DO while they can.  And then do your dreaming while you have to sleep!!! Don't waste your sunlight doing time on your dreaming!!

My Momentary Anthem

I have been a worship leader at my church now for almost two years.  Through my many days and nights of trying to find the songs that best fit the service I find myself being drawn to certain songs because of their words, feeling, or even just the ideas that it presents to my heart. 

Recently we've sang the song "God of This City" in worship a lot.  I have said that I feel that that song is the anthem for North Lake Church, what we're about, and what we believe.  We believe that "You're the God of this city, You're the King of these people, You're the Lord of this Nation.  You are."  What greater phrase describes exactly what God is to us?  

While being on this journey of finding myself and where I stand as a worship leader I find that there are many days where I go to worship service and I am just not feeling it.  I don't feel like singing, I don't feel like praising, I just don't think I can make it through a song set.  You see, leading worship for me is exhausting.  NOT IN A BAD WAY!!  

I'll explain.  I put my whole self into worship.  I feel that when leading worship that my job is to lead others to the throne of God and show them His face through songs and let them just bask in all that glory.  But I put my whole self into it.  It's like when Moses wanted to see God, God wouldn't even allow him to see His face because he would have been struck dead.  He was only allowed to see His back as He walked away and even then when Moses went down to the Israelites his face was shining so bright from being in God's presence that Moses had to cover his face!!  It's that sort of absolute exhaustion that I feel, and I love every moment.

The Flyleaf song "All Around Me" is my anthem most of the time during worship.  I get it.  In those moments of worship "I'm alive....So I cry, the light is white." I encourage you to click the link and listen to the words and the song. It's beautiful.  

Other times, and more often lately, my anthem is Sanctus Real's "I'm Not Alright."  I think that in always having enough I have taken for granted that I have been taken care of.  In being brought up in church I have felt the need to constantly say, "God will provide. I have faith." But I haven't ever had to put the belief behind it.  It's dogma, it's repetitive speech.  As a worship leader I have felt the pressure to always answer the question, "How are you doing?" with "I'm alright."  I should be alright.  I want to be alright.  The first line of that song says, "If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of, then cool is just how far we have to fall.  I AM NOT IMMUNE.  I only want to be loved.  But I feel safe behind the firewall."  For the first time last night and tonight I have not been able to lie.  My husband says it's a good thing, but it is so awful to admit to myself that I've been lying.  

Here's the truth.  I'm not alright.....I'm broken inside and out.  Being able to say that in a group of people who I know love me deeply and not have those feelings changed is a HUGE relief.  The next lines of the song say, "Can I lose my need to impress? If you want the truth, I need to confess, I'm not alright."  I am truly not alright at this time.  I don't love God any less, I trust Him and I know that he will either heal me or be my strength to bear whatever my life hands me, I just haven't found that strength yet.  And you know?  It's alright to be broken.  It's alright to be honest and say you're not doing okay, you're hurt, you're angry, sad, depressed, addicted, in a dark place that no one would want to be....It's okay.

We are not expected to be alright.  If we were expected to be alright then there would have been no reason for Jesus.  If there was a way for me to be good enough, then I wouldn't NEED Him.  If there was a way...I'd have found it by now.  

In the song "I'm not alright" it starts out as a bursting scream of no longer being able to hold in the grueling, terrible truth.  But by the end it is a soft belief and relief that, "I'm not alright. That's why I need You....That's why I need You."

Tipping the scales at....

....208 lbs!!  Whoa...The day I got on the scale and saw how out of control my weight had gotten I cried.  It was heart breaking to know that I had gotten so lazy.  However, I didn't decide that day to hit the gym and lose the weight.  That day I felt very sorry for myself and I was upset, but a week or so later my husband (such a great man) came up with this plan to run a thing called the Warrior Dash in Platte City, MO, a little town outside of KC, MO.  It is a 5K run in which you climb over walls, cross a moat, jump over a fire pit, and crawl through a mud pit that has barbed wire and ropes over the top, etc. He told me that he wanted to do this run and I said that it sounded like fun, until he informed me that someone died last year during the run. I was quaking and a shaking inside...."please don't ask me to do this with you" was feverishly repeating in my head.  He kept raving about it and how much fun it would be and I realized what was going on.  He really did want me to do it with him, but he didn't want to push me into it.  I sheepishly asked him if he wanted me to join him and he looked me in the eye and said, "I would love it if you would do this with me, you don't have to, but I would love it if you would."  Well, when such a handsome man says something like that to you, you get convinced pretty fast.  Besides, I was extremely flattered that he wanted to do this WITH ME!!

At this point, we are signed up for the 11:00 am run and are training for it. I believe the program we are using is the Couch to 5k and this week we have been running 1 min and walking 2 min 6 times. It's not been too bad!!  The first day of running I was on my last set and felt like I was going to pass out, but the second day of running wasn't nearly as hard.  We finish up with a good hard ab workout and on days that we don't run he lifts, and I do cardio.  The best part is that we are doing it together.

 I have also been on a new eating plan (I don't like to say diet because those have always been so temporary for me).  So far I have lost 14 lbs, but then the Thanksgiving holiday hit and Bob came to visit (for those ladies and gents that don't know, bob is the monthly cycle :) ) so I hadn't been back on the scale to see how much I knew I had gained back.  But getting on this morning I am exactly where I was.

My food plan is as follows:

#1 -  I don't usually eat breakfast, but it's in the plan to slowly start eating more for breakfast and less throughout the day.  There are many dietitians that suggest that eating breakfast is actually one of the best ways to lose weight.  When your body goes for hours over night having not eaten it thinks it is in starvation mode and starts holding to any and all calories that it can get a hold of.  Therefore, if you feed your body well in the morning and let it know that it's gonna get food today it will process those calories and the coming ones with more efficiency.  Don't go crazy with this and assume that it means that you can eat whatever you want for breakfast.  This research clearly shows that eating a balanced meal in the morning can help you lose weight, but don't abuse it!!

#2 -  Drinking plenty of water is very, very, VERY important to shedding pounds.  James, my husband, bought me an early Christmas present that I LOVE so very much!!  He bought us Camelbacks so that when we go to the gym we both have plenty of water and we can stay hydrated during the day.  So far it's been great!!  I love Camelbacks because they don't spill, there's no lid to unscrew while you're running on the treadmill and there's no tipping the bottle, thus no spills down the front of you.
Staying hydrated is important for weight loss because as you do your cardio exercises you are losing water and turning food into energy and waste and the water is what helps move the waste out and replace the hydration you are losing.  Water can also help with other weight problems such as over eating and hunger.  Drinking water throughout the day will keep something in your stomach instead of it being empty then full, empty then full.  Drinking a glass of water before a meal will help you not over eat because your stomach has contents (water) then you don't need as much food to fill it up!

#3 -  If you were to ask my husband, "To Dani, what makes any food taste better?" He'd tell you that I love the taste of pretty food.  I like color in my food - red, yellow, green, and I'm always thrilled with the occasional purple!!!  I love color in my food and the more color in your daily diet, the more nutrition you are getting.  Plus, if you take the time to plate your food nicely you will enjoy eating it more and won't scarf it down.

#4 -  Avoiding eating out is something that James and I have been doing for a while, but for our budget, not our waist line.  I am one of the lucky ones who actually really enjoys cooking.  I love looking for new recipes to try, adding a twist to make it mine, and plating it beautifully.  There's a real feeling of pride to work hard on a meal, present it with flair and hear the "mmmmmmmmm"'s that follow.  Eating in can also be good for your health and body.  Most restaurants, even the fancier ones, use foods that are stuffed with preservatives, were frozen, and are not fresh.  When you cook at home you know that you and your family are getting the freshest ingredients that you could find.   You can replace things in the recipes that you don't like with food that you do, make a recipe healthier, or just tastier and more appealing.

#5 -  I have a salad every day.  Vegetables and fruit are important for a healthy body, so I try to make sure that I have a salad for lunch or a salad with dinner and a piece of fruit every day.  This may sound extremely boring, but I make it fun and tasty.  My coworkers tell me every day how my salads always look good.  I make them pretty because then I want to eat them!!  I always use really green lettuce (no ice burg in sight), nice red tomatoes, bell peppers, cucumbers, carrots, olives, and cheese.  Don't freak out about the cheese or the dressing.  Yes, there's fat in it, and yes there's more calories, but pay attention to your serving.  I don't burry my salad in cheese and I don't drown it in dressing.  I get a sprinkling of cheese 1-2 tablespoons of dressing for my salads and that is just fine.  That may not seem like enough dressing, but a good way to stretch the dressing is to put the dressing in a separate bowl, container, whatever.  Dip your fork in dressing, then get a bite of salad.  You get dressing with every bite, and I usually don't even eat all my dressing this way.


I am planning on blogging about my weight loss,  I won't promise every day, but maybe once a week?  It's hard to post where I am now and I hate to post how much I weigh, but I'm going to own it, because when I get to where I want to be, I'll be proud to share my progress.

Here is where I am now.

Height: 5'6"
Original Weight: 208
Current Weight: 197 lbs
First goal: 175 lbs

Total weight lost so far: 13 lbs
To go: 22 lbs


I'm gonna get there....